Everybody Loves Provo!!
Brian Provencal (sp?)...or "Provo" as he is more affectionately called, is a crazy young getabout who lives and works in Hampton. Wait....what I really meant to say is that he's a stupid fucking townie who lives on Hampton Beach and does a shitty job as a handyman because he's a fucking hack.
Some of you may know Provo, but I'm sure that many of you do not. He's probably a shade under six feet tall, and has really blonde, short hair. And whenever you see him, you just get the feeling that he's a douchebag, and his douchebaggery knows no bounds.
He works as Joe's Pizza's defacto handyman and does whatever oddjobs need to be taken care of. And he charges us less because Joe the Owner allows him to use the vacant garage thats in back of the restaurant as his "workshop"
My first experience with his handywork was when I was cleaning the pizza table. It has a shelf that you set the pizza on to top it, and it folds up so you can clean under it. But the hinges were kinda broken, and instead of going to get new hinges and screws to fix it, he just took what appeared to be a little knob that you screw into a bathroom drawer, and used THAT as his screw on a busted hinge. Needless to say....it didn't work out too well.
There were other various minor things that he "repaired" that pissed me off, and he never did a good job at it. (He was supposed to fix one of our walls so it didn't leak during the rain, and after 11 hours of work, it leaks more now) But his coup de gras one summer night when it was decided that one of the ceiling beams needed to be removed to make room for a new soda machine. At about 7:45 PM (an hour and fifteen minutes before closing time) he walks in with a sledge hammer and just starts pounding away at the ceiling beam. Said ceiling beam is right above the pizza counter, where the customers would come to order and receive pizza. It appears to be a well built beam, but he just continues to pound away at it. I'd like to add at this point that there are in fact customers in the dining room trying to eat and hold a conversation. The asked him if he could wait until they were finished and he plainly said no and continued on. The sledgehammer was proving fruitless so then he breaks out a saw and just starts sawing away on the beam (meanwhile getting sawdust everywhere) Eventurntually the beam does come down, but so does a good chunk of the ceiling.
He then does a shitty job of patching up the holes and then leaves, leaving me to clean up all the shit he left behind.
I decided that revenge was a dish best served cold. A few weeks later I grabbed all the rotten tomatoes from the veggie order (there are usually about 8 per box, but this one was surprisingly laden with bad tomatoes, almost 20) . Provo also uses Joe's Parking lot as his own little personal boat yard when he's not out playing sea captain. So decided to take the 20 rotten tom's and just chuck them at his boat, making a huge freakin mess. Two days later (after the tomatoes baked onto the boat in the hot summer sun) he was out there cursing and cleaning it up, vowing to kill whoever did it. (he's just crazy enough to do it, because he killed this rat with a samurai sword one day)
But apparently that wasn't enough for him, and he has since come back in while i'm working (which usually means I'm in charge too, and I have to deal with complaints about him) and tried to "support the floor" which meant just a whole lot of banging on the floor from the basement. And then fix what he didn't finish fixing in the first place....the holes in the ceiling. Leaving me to clean up after him....again.
For my next performance, I think I'll take our used fryolator oil (that we just leave in buckets until the grease guy comes), and I'll pour it all over his new hovercraft. (Yes he has a hovercraft, he put it together in his workshop, then crashed it in the marshes in Hampton and had to be rescued like a dumbass) It probably wont work after that, and I don't think he'll appreciate it too much, but I really don't care, because Provo sucks llama dick.
Some of you may know Provo, but I'm sure that many of you do not. He's probably a shade under six feet tall, and has really blonde, short hair. And whenever you see him, you just get the feeling that he's a douchebag, and his douchebaggery knows no bounds.
He works as Joe's Pizza's defacto handyman and does whatever oddjobs need to be taken care of. And he charges us less because Joe the Owner allows him to use the vacant garage thats in back of the restaurant as his "workshop"
My first experience with his handywork was when I was cleaning the pizza table. It has a shelf that you set the pizza on to top it, and it folds up so you can clean under it. But the hinges were kinda broken, and instead of going to get new hinges and screws to fix it, he just took what appeared to be a little knob that you screw into a bathroom drawer, and used THAT as his screw on a busted hinge. Needless to say....it didn't work out too well.
There were other various minor things that he "repaired" that pissed me off, and he never did a good job at it. (He was supposed to fix one of our walls so it didn't leak during the rain, and after 11 hours of work, it leaks more now) But his coup de gras one summer night when it was decided that one of the ceiling beams needed to be removed to make room for a new soda machine. At about 7:45 PM (an hour and fifteen minutes before closing time) he walks in with a sledge hammer and just starts pounding away at the ceiling beam. Said ceiling beam is right above the pizza counter, where the customers would come to order and receive pizza. It appears to be a well built beam, but he just continues to pound away at it. I'd like to add at this point that there are in fact customers in the dining room trying to eat and hold a conversation. The asked him if he could wait until they were finished and he plainly said no and continued on. The sledgehammer was proving fruitless so then he breaks out a saw and just starts sawing away on the beam (meanwhile getting sawdust everywhere) Eventurntually the beam does come down, but so does a good chunk of the ceiling.
He then does a shitty job of patching up the holes and then leaves, leaving me to clean up all the shit he left behind.
I decided that revenge was a dish best served cold. A few weeks later I grabbed all the rotten tomatoes from the veggie order (there are usually about 8 per box, but this one was surprisingly laden with bad tomatoes, almost 20) . Provo also uses Joe's Parking lot as his own little personal boat yard when he's not out playing sea captain. So decided to take the 20 rotten tom's and just chuck them at his boat, making a huge freakin mess. Two days later (after the tomatoes baked onto the boat in the hot summer sun) he was out there cursing and cleaning it up, vowing to kill whoever did it. (he's just crazy enough to do it, because he killed this rat with a samurai sword one day)
But apparently that wasn't enough for him, and he has since come back in while i'm working (which usually means I'm in charge too, and I have to deal with complaints about him) and tried to "support the floor" which meant just a whole lot of banging on the floor from the basement. And then fix what he didn't finish fixing in the first place....the holes in the ceiling. Leaving me to clean up after him....again.
For my next performance, I think I'll take our used fryolator oil (that we just leave in buckets until the grease guy comes), and I'll pour it all over his new hovercraft. (Yes he has a hovercraft, he put it together in his workshop, then crashed it in the marshes in Hampton and had to be rescued like a dumbass) It probably wont work after that, and I don't think he'll appreciate it too much, but I really don't care, because Provo sucks llama dick.
posted by BronxBomberz41 at 9:58 PM
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