Internet Licensing

I've been an avid web surfer now since I was in 5th grade, when we got our first Internet capable computer. So I guess you could say that I've been around the block. One of the great things about the net is the freedom of information that is flowing around the globe. But with this freedom comes some responsibility. For example, you shouldn't be looking for kiddy porn on the Internet, because thats illegal...and kind of disturbing. You shouldn't be conspiring terrorist plots (dirka dirka mohammed jihad osama bin laden), not because terrorism is bad, but mostly because its really easy to get caught over the internet. You shouldn't also use the Internet to track people and spy on them. And lastly, you shouldn't use incoherent jibberish when posting on the net. Because you make yourself, and every other American on the internet look foolish.

Here is a link to a classic post from My Blog is Poop on Home Field Advantage. The post is short and sweet. I like it, until I saw this.

You're like, brilliant and shit, yo. Well Fear of a Ted Planet, whomever you may be, congratulations, you've made an ass out of yourself. That little blurb ranks right up there with great works of the English language by Shakespeare.

But wait, theres more. This is hardly an isolated incident. Maddox has had a history of people making fools of themselves to him in email form, and then he delightfully makes them public for the rest of us.


As you can see, morons have a habit of getting behind a piece of plastic with a bunch of letters on it and just start hen-pecking away, not realizing they don't make sense and looking quite foolish.

And if you want people who can't put together a sentence, look no further than my fantasy baseball league. I may be 0-8 on the year, but at least I can put forth a valid argument why a trade should not go through. And then there was this gem put out there on the message board.


I don't think that any one of those alleged sentences are actually sentences. The first "sentence" maybe, because it does have a subject, predicate, and a direct object, but apparently Sam doesn't have the time to type out "versus." The next sentence is actually a fragment, with no indication of why or what he's giving up. The third sentence isn't even a sentence. It's more like something you shout. But you can't shout over the internet, unless you have an internet phone. Oh, and this guy supposedly has a college degree.

Now enough bashing, it is time to establish some guidelines for using the Internet. Every person who signs up with an ISP should have to take a test that looks something like this.
If they answer "Yes" to any of these questions, then they should be immediately stamped on the forehead with a giant red stamp that says "retarded." And then they should be sodomized. Because all of lifes problems can be solved by sodomy. Especially sodomy by a large gorilla.